Beating Heartbreak, the Scottish Way

Beating Heartbreak, the Scottish Way

Aidan was in love, and it was for the very first time. He had never usually had any luck with the ladies throughout his primary and secondary school years, but now, at University, he was truly beginning to experience the world of romance. The only problem was, Aidan was a Scotsman, and not just any old Scotsman. Aidan was a Scotsman, going to school in America.

Aidan had made the decision to attend University in America because he felt like his lifelong passion, music, was best pursued in Boston, home to one of the most prestigious music universities in American, Berklee College of Music. Although he most certainly had options in his own home country, he wanted the organic and raw experiences he believed the homeland of Jazz, Blues, and Rock and Roll would bestow upon him.

And bestow organic and raw experiences it did. His first semester there after being accepted, it seemed as if no one could get over the fact that he was Scottish. People were always asking him to accompany them at bars and other alcoholic festivities to see just how drunk he could really get. Naturally, Aidan saw this as a way of making his mark on this newfound culture and got so drunk one night that he went off on a wildly aggressive tangent, breaking bottles and throwing tables, ranting about Scottish independence. Not only did this episode gain him admiration amongst his fellow classmates, it caught him the eye of Susie, a California native studying guitar and songwriting.

Susie approached him the next day about the previous night and instantly became interested. She admired his heavy-stocked sway and his thick, Scottish accent. She asked him why he chose to come to the United States to study music, and he proceeded to tell her his life story. Conversely, Aidan became quite interested in her as well, admiring her unique sense of fashion (she wore bandanas, sundresses, and a unique combination of flip-flops and ankle-wear), sharp personality, wit, and aspiration towards life. They started seeing each other, having meals together, practicing together, and spending more and more time outside of school with each other. Soon enough, Aidan was head over heels in love with her.

And soon enough, Susie truly began to realize what a pain it was trying to hold conversation with him. His sayings were so outlandish that sometimes she could barely understand a word of what he was saying. Often, he would accuse her of being the “wee hen that never layed away,” meaning she was constantly playing the innocent with him, or he would tell her to “haud yer wheesht!” meaning shut up. Eventually, Susie grew sick of hauding her wheesht that she left him, after no more than two months of dating him.

And Aidan, being a musical Scotsman, knew of the perfect way to get over the heartbreak Susie’s departure gave him. Every day, after his classes were over, he would head over to her dorm room door and serenade her, right outside her door, with a simple song he wrote just for her. She often complained to the administration, but they simply laughed at her. It was always the same song, never a different one, and it went like this:


“Haud yer wheesht, haud yer wheesht,

Tatties o’wer the side,

Haud yer wheesht, haud yer wheesht,

There’s nowhere you can hide,

From good’ol Aidan the Scotsman,

I’ll raise to you a cup,

Mony a mickle maks a muckle,

Heid doon arse up!

Haud yer wheesht, haud yer wheesht,

Tatties o’wer the side,

It’s a lang road that’s no goat a turnin’,

Until you’ll say you’re mine!”


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